Lipschitz!

'I loved Alvin Lipschitz
more than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy...
Sensitive... a painter.
But he was always trying
To find himself.
He'd go out every night
Looking for himself
And on the way
He found Ruth,
Gladys,
Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke up
Because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
AND I SAW HIM DEAD.'

(Cell Block Tango, part 06)

Cicero!

'My sister, Veronica, and I
had this double act
and my husband, Charlie,
traveled around with us.
Now, for the last number in our act
We did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row.
One, Two, Three, Four, Five...
Splits, spread eagles,
Back flips, flip flops,
One right after the other.
Well, this one night we were down at the hotel Cicero,
The three of us,
Boozin' and
Havin' a few laughs
When we run out of ice.
So I went out to get some.
I come back, open the door
and there's Veronica and
Charlie doing Number Seventeen-
The spread eagle.

Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out.
I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later,
When I was washing the blood off my hands
I EVEN KNEW THEY WERE DEAD.'

(Cell Block Tango, part 05)

Uh! Uh!

'"What am I doing here?
They say my famous tenant
held down my husband
and I chopped his head off.
But it's not true.
I am innocent.
I don't know why Uncle Sam says I did it.
I tried to explain at the police station
but they didn't understand."
"Yeah, but did you do it?!"
"Uh! Uh! NOT GUILTY!"'

(Cell Block Tango, part 04)

Squish!

'Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
carvin' up the chicken for dinner,
minding my own business,
and in storms my husband Wilbur,
in a jealous rage.
"You been screwin' the milkman,"
he says.
He was crazy
and he kept screamin',
"You been screwin' the milkman."
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife TEN TIMES...'

(Cell Block Tango, part 03)

Six!

'I met Ezekiel Young from
Salt Lake city about two years ago
and he told me he was single
and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home,
I'd fix him a drink,
We'd have dinner.
And then I found out,
"Single" he told me?
Single, my ass.
Not only was he married...
Oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Mormons, you know.
So that night, when he came home,
I fixed him his drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold
their ARSENIC.'

(Cell Block Tango, part 02)

Pop!

'You know how people
have these little habits
That get you down. Like Bernie.
Bernie liked to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP.
So I came home this one day
And I am really irritated, and I'm
looking for a bit of sympathy
and there's Bernie layin'
on the couch, drinkin' a beer
and chewin'. No, not chewin'.
Poppin'. So, I said to him,
I said, "you pop that
gum one more time..."
and he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall
and I fired two warning shots...
... INTO HIS HEAD.'

(Cell Block Tango, part 01)